Cole's Struggle to Understand

UPDATE:

Two years later we had birth mom's baby # 6 and baby # 7 with us as foster children. The birth mom requested they be moved to "family members." I continue to be amazed, appalled, and sickened that as time goes by the system does not improve for the children.

We had my son's biological sister (baby #7) with us for 4 l/2 months, since she was 10 days old, and she was moved to one of "bio mom's friend's home" although the biological mom had only attended a couple of her scheduled visits. The drug world keeps her pretty busy. My son is devastated since his sister was removed. He was aware she was his biological sister and became VERY bonded to her; they looked identical. She was also addicted to crack and receiving multiple therapies. When she was moved, Cole cried for weeks on end.

He no longer believes in God, he refuses to attend church; he hates police and does not trust them. As a 4 year old, he feels the police and God should have protected his sister, and I have struggled to help him deal with his grief. He is now so angry at the world and refuses to talk to a counselor because in his words, "it's not going to bring sissy home." He tells everyone someday he will find his sister and he will tell her all about how the "bad people stole her from him." Every time we are shopping or out to eating out and he sees a baby girl, he looks and searches the baby's face in hopes he will find his sister.

November 3, 2003

Update:

I wanted to share what happened to baby #7. We received a call a few weeks ago from CPS saying bio mom's rights were terminated with baby #7. The Agency wanted to know what I wanted to do. The family, biological mom's friends, who had taken the baby also wanted to adopt her.

I talked to Cole about how he felt and he said, "No matter who adopts Sissy, she will ALWAYS be my Sister; right mommy?" and I said, "Yes," he went on to say, "Sissy's not even ONE year old and she's had three mommies already" and he began to cry. He asked if her current foster mommy, bio mom's friend, wanted to keep Sissy and I said yes.

He said, "I think we should leave Sissy there because she needs to wake up with the same mommy and if we made her come back here, we are just as bad as the people who made her leave us." It broke my heart that a 4 l/2 year old loved his sister MORE than any of the adults and professionals involved determining her future.

He loved her so much that he would rather give her up, than see her hurt and confused by changing homes again.

We will always keep his sister in our hearts and prayers and someday he is determined to find her and tell her how she was "taken from him by the bad people." Again, the system continues to amaze, discourage, and sicken me by the decisions they make. Their decisions make NO sense and continue to NOT be in the best interest of the child.

This has been so very hard because I know in my heart that this little girl belongs with her brother and in a good, stable, Christian home, but my head tells me that "I have to let go" because the constant moving of this child from home to home is not good either. At this point, I pray that God watches over her and keeps her safe until she and her brother are older and can finally be together; when no "system" or "adults" can interfere in their relationship.

Rhonda, Cole's Forever Mommy